Last week I got a phone call that changed my life forever. One of my best friends... a friend of 24 years, Ben Crowley, passed away last Thursday night.
I spoke Monday at Ben's service, and since that time some folks have asked me to post what I shared online.
So here it is. My whole purpose was to express to people that this was NOT Ben. He did not want this. We just talked a week or so ago about what camera he should buy so that he could video the birth of his daughter. Ben was excited and hopeful about the future.
He was like a brother to me, and my life will never be the same without him.
I love you Ben, and I hope what I said Monday honored you.
It’s easy to focus on the tragedy that brought us here today. So when Amanda asked me to speak, I knew immediately I wanted to focus on who Ben really was and how he lived his life.
And I have a unique knowledge in this area... I knew Ben for 24 years. We met right when I moved back to Arkansas from Florida in 1989. We were going into the 8th grade, and I’ll never forget one day after a two-a-day football practice I was complaining about having to live in little ole Monticello. You see, I thought I was a real big shot coming from Florida. Well, Ben piped up and said, “Well leave then, we don’t want you here anyway.”
I liked him immediately.
Later that same year, after discovering Ben was a lunatic Auburn fan I invited him to my house to watch the Florida-Auburn game. You see, I was a big Gator fan having lived in Florida for the past seven years. Well, that turned out to be a big mistake! Florida lost on a last minute drive and Ben was insufferable. Our rivalry started that day, and we had MANY great games over the years! One certain year I might have gotten passed out drunk after another Florida loss, ONLY to wake up with the final score written in PERMANENT maker on my forehead!!
Who would’ve thought though many years later I’d actually join his side and cheer on his Auburn Tigers... I’ll come back to that.
Now I’ve got a ton of crazy Ben high school stories, flipping a truck, getting rear-ended by a church bus, and late nights back-roading all over southeast Arkansas... you name, we were in it. Who knows, maybe we were together so much because Ben was the only kid in town whose parents actually let me hang out with him. Thank you Bill and Nancy!
But Ben was so much more than just a crazy high school buddy. The richness of our friendship developed much later. You see, I talked to Ben everyday, sometimes multiple times a day, for the last two years. But even before that we had been in at least monthly contact for the past 8 to 9 years. I knew him about as well as you could know someone and I can tell you for certain, He did not want this. The tragedy that took Ben, was not Ben. This was not who he was. He was not in a place of desperation or hopelessness.
Ben was far from hopeless!
So I’m going to do my best to tell you who I knew Benjamin Hugh Crowley to be.
He was a man who knew and loved Jesus Christ, plain and simple. He LOVED God’s word. He had studied it extensively. Man, we had SO many conversations over this subject... theology, individual verses, historical context, the Gospels, Paul, I mean the list could go on and on. I always loved picking his brain, because the dude was smart, much smarter than me when it came to the Bible. I’m going to miss those conversations.
But he didn’t just have a head full of theology, Ben was a man who had experience with the true and living God. Guys, he had been through hell and back, and the Lord delivered Ben from drugs and alcohol. It wasn’t easy, and it often took many attempts, but I assure you Ben experienced freedom. That was a bond we both shared, a common struggle. You see, I’ve been sober several years now. So we would hold each other accountable, pray for each other and encourage one another. He was such a great support in my life. Ben knew Jesus not because he studied him in some book, but because Ben had seen Jesus work miracle after miracle in his life.
And that leads me to this miracle right here. Amanda, your wedding day was one of the happiest days of my life! I’ll tell you who Ben was, he was the guy worshipping the Lord with his bride on their wedding day! And he should’ve been praising God, because He way “out-kicked his coverage”! Ben loved you very much! We always talked about how we could be better men for our wives. He was so happy to be your husband!
Ben also loved that baby girl on the way. Ella Joy Crowley as she’ll be known to the world. Man, he was pumped! He’s always wanted to be a dad! Ben was excited about his little girl. In fact, he told me that every night he read Psalms to Ella. But this is the kind of dad Ben was, he told me, "Man, have you read some of the Psalms? They can be violent and heavy. I just want to be careful what I speak over my child. I want to protect her." Ben was the dad who was already protecting his daughter before she even left the womb.
Ben was a man who loved his family. I know Ben was a handful during his teenage years, but he loved you guys so much. The day we left Birmingham to come here, we found the program from his wedding day. Bill and Nancy - do you remember the letter that he wrote to you guys that was printed? He said how much he loved y’all and how your support meant so much to him. Your marriage was a great example for him. He knew very well all the love y’all had given him throughout the years, all the support and all the sacrifice... he knew it.
Ben loved his friends. He and I had a special connection, but I wasn’t the only one. I know many, many others out here today that he loved dearly. Josh - one of the last things he said to me last week was that the three of us needed to get together. I’m pretty sure you guys drove each other crazy, because you see, they worked together for years, but I know the deep love he had for you. Josh, you were his brother, and he loved you like one. In fact, just the other night we spent hours watching duck hunting videos Josh had made over the past year or two. Ben Crowley loved his freaking duck hunting, didn’t he?
I know for a lot you, even if you hadn’t seen or talked with Ben, y’all could pick right back up where you left off. Chris, you remember that Arkansas-Auburn game this past Fall? Ben said it was so good to see you again and reconnect. I know he loved you very much. I think it was said best by one of Ben’s friends a couple days ago, “Ben is in the fabric of who I am.” I know many of us here feel that way.
And Ben loved his Auburn Tigers... I’ll share this final story. I’m sure most you know Auburn had a magical run last season. So right after Auburn beat Georgia on that crazy last second hail mary pass I called Ben and said, “Dude you gotta come to the Iron Bowl!” We had been talking about for a couple weeks. Well it worked out that he and Amanda got tickets. So they drove over to our house in Birmingham, and we got to host them for a couple days. We had a wonderful time. As you all know Auburn beat Alabama on a last second FG return for a TD! It makes me so happy to know that Ben, Amanda and their unborn child got to experience that game inside Jordan-Hare stadium. I know Ben loved it that I was wearing Auburn colors that day! We rolled Toomer’s Corner together and everything. We all knew we were experiencing something very special. I mean, who wins a football game that way? But we had no idea WHY this would be such a special time. It’s so much more than a football game now; it’s special because it was the last day I ever spent with Ben.
Ben Crowley was my friend, my brother and the hole that’s left in my life will never be filled. I’m not mad at you, because I know you didn’t want this and YOU didn’t do this. Mental illness did this, it took Ben from us, much like cancer or any other terrible disease.
Ben, you were a man of character, integrity and most importantly, you were a man of God.
Simply put, Ben Crowley was a friend, a son, an in-law, a brother, an uncle, a husband and a loving, protective father.
That’s who Ben was.
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